The next few weeks would go by quickly. They always have in the past, I just expected them to be slower this year. The holidays have traditionally been a wonderful, happy time for all of us and I feared disappointing Lilly with my inability to meet the lofty standards that Lori set in place. However it was significantly easier than I expected because of The Bear, The Candle and The Box.
When I first talked to Colleen about coming down to help with my shopping, it was more about my wants rather than true need. I thought it was unlikely she would be able to come based on weather, her schedule, the kids schedules, their own need to be ready for the holidays, etc... So you can imagine my elation when she called me days later while in the process of booking flights. Her and Madelyn were coming!
Arriving on a Friday and leaving on a Sunday. We had about 45 hours to get my shopping done. Something that would have been 8-10 weeks of work for Lori. I often over the years poked fun at Lori about the number of catalogs she received at the house and how leading up to Christmas, the UPS driver knew her by name. I would never have guessed how much I would come to appreciate what and how she did things. So I started to look through the catalogs and two really cool things happened. First, I was able to see where Lori had previously purchased things for Lilly. I would scan a catalog and think, "oh, that's where Lori ordered that kitchen set from" or "that's where she got that toy from".
The second reason was because I could see first hand the "type" of things that interested Lori. And if they interested Lori as something Lilly would like, well then they interested me. Lori had an incredible ability to find not just the right gift, but the right fit for our house and the styles that matched. So Lilly didn't get just any kitchen set last year, she got a very specific kitchen set that fit perfectly into her play room and matched the style of our house as well! Oh, how I miss Lori when I think of how much time she spent on making things just so perfect.
So you probably can see why I was a little concerned about having a holiday let-down. And that feeling would disappear over the next 45 hours. I picked up Colleen and Madelyn on Friday afternoon. We went back to the house, picked up Lilly and off we went to the mall. My plan was to work on all of the female gifts I needed to get. We would shop with Lilly and Madelyn on Friday, then we would go out without them on Saturday. The trip was fast, but we not only got all of my shopping done, we got out to dinner, we went ice skating with both my brothers and their families, we enjoyed a take-in dinner, the kids played, Coll helped me with some of those bows, ribbons and shrubby things and we got the best gift of all for Lilly.
I had asked Colleen her opinion about getting Lilly a gift that would be from "Lori". She liked the idea and quickly had something in mind. A collection called Willow Tree, that I was familiar with, but would not have thought of myself. We were at the Hallmark Store (i cant' resist saying that this was my Hallmark moment) where Colleen showed me the collection. There were several that seemed fitting. It was emotional. The Mother/Daughter statues (is that what they are called? figurines?) were touching. The collection was perfect, but I was slightly concerned about Lilly appreciating the gift if she couldn't really understand the significance. So we kept looking and there it was. It was a Willow Tree Collection Item, it was a Mother and Daughter, but it was just a little bit more. It was something that Lilly would understand, it was the perfect gift from "Lori" to Lilly.
If this were the only thing I got done during Colleen's visit, it would have been enough. But the visit was so much more. It was the holidays. It was family visiting. It was Lilly seeing the holidays as fun and memorable. It was a magical weekend that I would not have expected and it helped bring everything together. The rest of the holidays were wonderful. Lilly and I baked cookies, we went ice skating several times, we watched polar express, (over and over again), we enjoyed our time with family and friends, we watched The Grinch, (over and over), we sang Christmas carols, and we talked a lot about Lori.
On Christmas Morning, when all of the crazy fun gifts form Santa were opened, I handed Lilly the gift and told her it was from Mommy. She smiled and quickly opened it up. Now maybe this is just how I saw it, but she glowed. She stared at the gift, the little mind wheels spinning.
"It's Me and Mommy" she told me.
"Yes it is", I replied.
She examined some more and said, "It's a box!"
"Yes it is", I smiled.
"Can I put anything I want in it?"
"Yes you can."
"Can I put something special in it to remind me of Mommy?"
"Of course you can."
"I love it Daddy!"
It is a moment I will remember and cherish forever. "The Box" was the perfect gift for a 5 year old. The rest of the day was equally as special. All of Lori's family came to the house and we enjoyed some great laughs. The gifts that everyone gave out seemed extra special, like the power of Lori looking out for the entire family. Every gift that Lilly received was perfect and she loved each one. From the wheel barrow and gardening tools from Amy which we already use daily in the yard, to the beautiful Niece Bracelet with charms from Melaney that Lilly wears all the time. Lori's Mom rolled in with the gift only a woman and especially a Nanna could give: A baby doll and stroller. And Lori's Dad continued the incredible day with a gorgeous locket for Lilly with a picture of Lori in it. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful and supportive family.
That night, it snowed. It was the first snow on Christmas Day in more than 60 years. I walked outside with Lilly to look and enjoy. I stood outside and stared at our house. How beautiful it looked. I would never in my wildest dreams have pictured our house glowing with Christmas Lights under the white blanket of snow. But just like everything else, it was more meaningful this year because I had that gift. Remember? The box that arrived at my door step. Not that box, you know about that one now. The gift I bought for myself. The gift that would allow me to show everyone just how much I loved Lori.
I always took care of hanging the lights on the outside of the house, but there has just never been a real good way to hang any lights on the second story. I often joked with Lori about how lopsided the house looked with all of those lights on the bottom half of the house, but nothing on the top. So this year I did something about it. I bought candles for all of our windows. And on this night, with the snow falling, the house looked beautiful. All of the lights on the lower level and the new candles in all of the windows. So when I walked out with Lilly to look at the house in the snow, I just stared. Stared at the windows. Not looking at all of the candles, just looking at one. Looking at "The Candle" in the middle of our bedroom window. All of the candles were white. All except this candle. This candle was green. I put a green bulb in it intentionally, so that it would stand out amongst the others. The one special candle glowing in the dark that reminded every day of Lori and showed anyone who happened by that some greater meaning was on display.
As I sat in my chair after Christmas, I glanced to my right and looked at it. Remembering the day I found it in the bottom of the Christmas Box. I thought fondly about how well the holiday season went compared to how I thought it would go. The trip to Buffalo was amazing. We got to spend time with family and friends. I was able to get to Duffs twice and pizza from Picasso's twice too. All of the kids running around at Grandma's house was refreshing and brought back great childhood memories.
Not unlike our Christmas in Charlotte, the gift giving in Buffalo was equally memorable. Although "Big Foot" was the gift that Lilly wanted most, the colorful dress from Grandma has turned out to be her favorite. I think she has worn it a dozen times in the last three weeks. If not the dress, then it's the doctors outfit and equipment from Colleen from which I have received more prescriptions from than I have my whole life. None of that to be outdone by the jammy's from Kim which she wears regularly while coloring daily (or maybe hourly) with the endless supply of markers, crayons, chalk and colored pencils from Jessica. By the way, I didn't intentionally skip the names of Dad, John, Chris or Kevin, I'm just a realist.
We also found time to get to possibly the most exciting Sabres game of the year! My friend Beth was nice enough to find a babysitter to go along with Me, Coll, John, Lisa, Tim, Michele, Brian, Kevin and Jessica. The Sabres beat the Bruins 6-5 in a shootout! We went sledding, almost witnessed a 300 game in bowling (10 strikes in a row... unbelievable Brian!), attended a New Years Party at Michele and Brian's, hung out at Coll's and did I mention how wonderful it was seeing all of the kids running around and playing?
So, when I sat in my chair after the holidays and thought about how well everything went, I couldn't help but to think back to the day I pulled out the holiday decorations. The day it all started. The first day that made me so nervous about being alone this holiday season. I turned to my right and it was still there. I remembered pulling out the decorations and seeing it at the bottom of the box. All by itself, was a little brown bear. Not just any bear, but a bear made by Lori. Some of you know that Lori made bears. She called them "Lil' Bears" named after her Grandmother (Mimi) whose first name was Lillian. (i felt a Paul Harvey moment wanting to say "now you know the rest of the story")
"The Bear" was never a part of our holiday decorating. There are a couple of them around the house, but never did we have one for Christmas. The little red chair has been around before, but seeing the two things together in the box was like a small miracle to me. So I sat in my chair and looked at "The Bear". I thanked Lori for helping us through the Holidays and for being here, sitting next to me for the entire season.
I packed up the decorations a couple of weeks ago. But I know that moving forward, Lori will be with us every Christmas and throughout the year. I am lucky to have such wonderful people in our lives helping every day, I am lucky to have Lilly, I am lucky to have Lori in my life each and every day, and now I am lucky because I have "The Bear, The Candle and The Box". I love you Lori!
To see pictures of the bear, the candle and the box, click here.