Lori and her Mom took Lilly to the White Water Center for the Duck Races. A Saturday outing for fun. Her bag packed with all of the usual items for a day out. Lilly was four, so the stroller was loaded into the car along with a big bag packed with food, drinks, toys and books. She probably packed some stuff for Lilly too!
I remember the day pretty well. I was asked if I wanted to go, but instead, I stayed home to tend to the yard. It seemed like a girls day out anyway. Off they went and hours later they returned home. A successful day from what I can recall. I helped unload the car and Lori made her way up to the bedroom while Lilly stayed with me. Lori sat in the recliner near the windows where she often rested during her treatments.
"Dear Lilly, I am watching you from the window upstairs in my bedroom. We just returned from the White Water Center. You, Nana and I had the best time together watching the duck races, you were especially interested in the large ducks they had floating down the river. You really wanted to get into the water and at times, it took all of my energy to keep you out. You are full of energy and loved every minute out there. Whether it's in the pool, kayaking or out there near the water, I have to admit, you are a lot like me."
This is the first paragraph of a front and back hand written sheet of paper that I now have in my to Lilly from Mommy box. I know I have already told countless stories about how much Lilly is like Lori. From the positive attitude to the never say quit personality and from the smile and laugh to the kindness and generosity. Yes Lori, I have to admit too… Lilly is a lot like you.
I recall a time, years ago, before we were married, when Lori was particularly upset. I'm not sure why she was or what or who made her that way. I'm certain that all of the guys out there can think of times when they have had a similar situation with their wife, girlfriend, significant other etc.. And I'm sure all of the women will remember the times even better along with all of the details that escape us.
Perhaps it was a fight between us. It may have been a problem she was having with someone else. Maybe work. Maybe just life. I remember it well, because quite honestly, it was rare for us to be that upset. And she was heavily emotional that day. We spent a long time talking about it. Correction, she spent a long time talking about it. And after a period of time, I remember jumping in. Giving my opinion, telling my side, sharing advice and wisdom. And I remember Lori crying. The more I talked, the more upset she got.
In a mild rage, Lori told me to shut up. So I stopped. She looked at me and said something to the effect of "You just don't get it. I'm not looking for you to fix anything. Why can't you just listen. Sometimes I just need to let it out."
I haven't thought of that day in a long time. But a recent experience brought the memory back. Lilly seemed upset one day, just a couple weeks ago. She was quiet. And for Lilly, this is not normal. I asked her what was wrong and she responded "nothing", in a way that said, don't bother her. But being the concerned caring Daddy that I am, I pressed on.
"You seem really quiet Lilly, what's wrong? You know you can talk to me right?"
"Nothing is wrong." Emotional as she was.
"Are you sure Lilly? You really seem like something is wrong. Did something happen? You can always talk to Daddy. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."
"Daddy, I don't want to tell you. If I tell you, you are just going to tell me to snap out of it. And sometimes I can't snap out of it. I am a very sensitive person like Mommy and sometimes I just need to let it out."
And there it is. And the tears began to flow. I wanted to tell her to get herself together, but I resisted the temptation and just let her have her moment. And she did.
"Daddy. Please just don't tell me to snap it out of it any more."
Five years have passed. Sometimes it feels like a very long time and at others, it feels like the blink of an eye. But when I look at Lilly today, I can tell you that she is a lot like her Mom.
A couple of months ago, I was having a conversation with the Charlotte Checkers, our American Hockey League Team. They were planning a game to benefit Ovarian Cancer. Tera, the C.O.O has talked to me over the years about her interest in doing something to benefit the cause. She, herself, has a history of Ovarian Cancer in her family and has had a passion to do something, when the right opportunity came about. It was Tera, who honored Lori at the first home game after her death by putting Lori's picture up on the jumbo screen in memory of her. I was honored and touched by the gesture then and it still stays firmly in my mind today.
There are times when the stars align and this seemed to be one of them. I was asked if Lilly and I would be interested in doing an interview with them, to tell our side of the story as it relates to Ovarian Cancer. They would play the interview at the game as part of the awareness and benefit for Ovarian Cancer. The game would be on March 8th. Just two days before Lori's five year anniversary.
Lilly and I went to the Checkers Office to shoot the video. The effort was coordinated by Eric whom I work with frequently, but he could not be there the day of the shoot. Instead, he assured me that Ben would be great. I had never met him before the interview, but just like Tera and Eric, he was terrific. Especially with how he handled Lilly.
Lilly went first. Ben asked questions and Lilly just answered them. So innocent and honest. She just told the story from the heart. She was clear and concise. She didn't mumble. She wasn't shy. She jumped around a few topics and ideas, but over all, she was great. I was so proud of her.
I went next and it is possible that Lilly was more poised than I was. We talked for 10-15 minutes and I only broke down once. We covered a lot in a short period of time. Combined, Ben would have more than 30 minutes of video that I figured needed to be edited down to around 3 minutes. He had his work cut out for him.
March 8, 2015. Game day. Upon entering, Lilly made a poster. She drew the Polar Bear Mascot, wearing teal holding a sign that said "help save people". After that, Lilly made a donation to the "Teal Diva's" the organization benefitting from the game to help with awareness, family support and research for Ovarian Cancer. From there, we purchased our rubber pucks that benefit the Checkers Children's Foundation.
We watched the game. And we waited for the second intermission. Surrounding by family and friends, Lilly and I were asked to come down to the ice after the second period. And that is when they played the video. It was an amazing 3 and a half minutes. I won't do any justice trying to explain it all to you. I just knew that it was meant to be. It was powerful enough before Lilly spoke. It was more powerful after. And I am sure her Mom is smiling from ear to ear, so proud of her little girl. So watch the video and listen carefully. Because the most important message Lilly tells starts with these words… "My Mom is A Lot Like Me"