Lilly asked me recently, "Why did God want Mommy to go to heaven because she is so nice?" There are several variations of this question that Lilly has asked me randomly over the last two years.
In the fall of 2009, not long after a surgery, Lori was in line at a gas station. She was carrying her colostomy bag in her purse and she was physically beat. The line was a few people long and another man near the front, recognized that she was not doing well. He politely invited her to cut in front of him in line. She humbly did and after paying for her gas, she purchased two quick pick lottery tickets and gave them to him as a thank you. He tried to say no, but Lori wouldn't have anything to do with that. He then asked her "how do I find you if we win?" She smiled at him and said "nope, if you win, you keep all of the money. It's my thank you for letting me take your place in line".
I have told numerous stories like this about how Lori was on a different emotional level than most people. You have heard me use the word contagious when describing Lori's personality. She was like a magnet for finding people who's lives she touched and who in turn touched hers. It still amazes me how many times I bump into people who tell me a story like this about Lori, even people who had never met her. One of the songs on Lori's IPOD is "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban. Lori listened to the inspirational tune often sine it's release in 2004. It came to have special meaning for Lori throughout her life's challenges. She listened more frequently and often talked about her relationship with God.
Although she never told me specifically, I imagine that Lori listened to the lyrics and saw Jesus or God as the unidentified "You" in the song.
There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.
"Daddy? How come God wanted Mommy in heaven so she can be an angel?"
After we moved to Charlotte, Lori took a job working in the news room at our local NBC affiliate TV station. She loved the energy of working in TV, but she grew frustrated very quickly with the negative news being covered night in and night out. One night, she came home and told me about a story of a single Mom who was on the news because of a robbery at her house. In the interview, the woman talked about how thankful she was that her two kids were not harmed. The down on her luck Mom talked about how she had just been paid that day and the burglar took all of her money for groceries, along with their TV and some jewelry. For whatever reason, this woman and her story just stuck with Lori.
The next day, when I came home from work, Lori had piles of bags on the counter in the kitchen. She told me that she had to do something for this woman, so she went and bought several bags of groceries, along with two games for the kids, and a new necklace for the Mom. She got the address from the TV newsroom and asked me to drive her there so that we could drop off the stuff she bought.
Reluctantly, I agreed. I'm not sure I really had a choice. We arrived in the neighborhood that evening. It was a nice community and her house was small but well kept. We walked to the door and Lori rang the bell. No answer. Lori went back to the car, found a piece of paper and wrote a note. I wish I had it now to read it word for word, but it essentially said something like this: "You don't know me, but I heard the story of what happened to you last night on the news. I hope that this helps you and your family. God Bless You, Lori and Matt".
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
"Daddy? How come God wanted Mommy to go to Heaven because she was so special?"
When I first found Lori's IPOD and started to listen to the songs, I was very emotional. I listened very carefully to all of the songs she choose and thought about how different her song choices were compared to mine. It seemed that every song was carefully chosen to fulfill a need while mine were just a list of fun songs that I liked.
When I came across this song, I listened to it hundreds of times. Each time, I listened to it with her ears, trying to decipher what meaning she was taking from it. I heard the words and could feel her connection with "You", with God.
Recently when I have been listening to the song, I started to hear it differently than I did two years ago. Even different than what I heard 2 months ago. I started to listen to the song from my own ears. What I heard, was a completely different song.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
I believe now that the "You" in the song is different for each person. Listen yourself and think about who in your life is "You". For me it is clear. Lori listened to the song and pulled strength from "You". Perhaps at times it was God, and perhaps at other times, it was the old man who handed her a piece of candy in the waiting room of the doctors office. For Me? I listen to the song and pull strength from Lori…. She is and always will be my "You".
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
I love you and miss you Lori!
You can listen to the song on Lori's IPOD here.