I have been holding on to this story for about 8 months. In my head, I can hear this story as a song, but after several tries, I have yet to be able to put the right rhyme or find the right chorus that tells it the way I am hearing it.
You have heard me tell many stories about Lori. You have heard me tell many stories about Lilly. I have shown on numerous occasions how the two intertwine. So I apologize in advance for having to cover some of it over again. But the essence of this story is from the past and how that history has led us to today.
One of the frustrations for me has been the unfortunate situations that Lilly herself has had to endure. She spent her first 16 months living in an orphanage. Then, from the hands of God she was given to Lori and Me. After a short time, she was seeing her Mom go through a very challenging illness. An illness that eventually took her before Lilly’s 5th birthday.
There are so many variations to the direction this story could have gone for Lilly. And there is still lots of time for it to go into another direction. But right now, through the love, determination and education from Lori, Lilly has found her way. You see, Lori’s personality and attitude is what Lilly was exposed to. It’s all that Lilly knew. It’s what she aspired to attain. In spite of how Lori felt, she maintained a fun, loving, positive outlook on life. No matter how bad things seemed to be, Lori could look at me, look at Lilly and she would say, “Life is Good.”
Recently, Lilly and I were in the car when Lilly asked me, “Daddy, what is your favorite house in Charlotte”?
“Our house”, I replied, “Why?”
“My favorite house is Aunt Jessica’s.”
“Why Aunt Jessica’s?” I asked her.
“Because of all of the pretty detail. Like the flowers, the decorations and the clothes for the kitchen table.”
Jessica’s place always looks good. The clothes she is referring to is the ever changing cloth table linens, place mats, runner, napkins, etc... And they are always updated to match the season. What seven year old notices the “detail”? The answer? Lori’s daughter. Not mine. Lori’s.
I am constantly making notes in my phone when Lilly is speaking. She is highly entertaining and you never know what she might say next. Generally speaking, when she does talk, it is going to be thoughtful, kind, fun and sometimes inspiring. Who does that remind you of?
So I have a picture of Lori and Lilly when Lilly was about two years old. Lori is sitting down on the couch holding Lilly. Lilly has a nice grin about her almost matching that of her Mothers. But look closely at the picture at the shirt that Lori is wearing. It is green and with black print it says, “Life is Good”.
In the winter when Lilly was three, Lori would make herself and Lilly a cup of hot chocolate. We would attempt some verses from the Polar Express, Hot Chocolate Song, while Lilly sipped away. Many of you know that Lori was somewhat obsessed with her coffee mug collection. So it probably won’t surprise anyone that when she served hot chocolate to her daughter, it was given in a white mug. And on the side of the mug along with a small drawing of someone drinking coffee, it said, “Life is Good”.
When Lilly was four, Lori ordered her a pair of hot chocolate pajama’s. They were her favorite for more than two years. Even last year, Lilly tried to squeeze her size six frame into the 4T outfit. They were very cute. Dozens of hot cocoa cups on the bottoms and on the top, one small cup and above the words hot chocolate, it said, “Life is Good”.
After Lilly turned five, she was drawn to her Mothers closet. She took comfort in wearing some of Lori’s clothes. Specifically, the night gowns. She will wear them around the house even today. She keeps one special one in the drawer next to her bed. Off white in color with a cranberry accent. She ties it around her waist to keep it from dragging on the floor. Right above the belt line, folded over in the middle, you can just make out the text that says, “Life is Good”.
I have another picture of Lilly standing in front of a jeep in a parking lot. Not sure what store we were going to, but Lilly spotted it a mile away. She has a crazy obsession with jeeps. She really would like to get one of those kids jeep cars, but in the back of my mind, I hear Lori telling me that her kids will never have one of those because it is too lazy. She wants her kids riding bikes and running around to get excercize, not riding in a powered toy. I don’t disagree with it.
I know that Lilly went running to the jeep because she loves jeeps. I remember her yelling on her way over to it, “jeeeeeeeppppppp”. And yet, there again, in the picture, you can see the tire cover on the jeep with big letters that say, “Life is Good.”
I realize that this brand is very successful and therefore, it is probably not surprising to see it everywhere. But the message is subtle and is almost always in the background. I don’t ever recall having a conversation with Lori about it, nor have I ever talked to Lilly about the saying. And remember, that for the first 2 or 3 occasions, Lilly couldn’t read it anyway.
With all that has happened in Lilly’s short life, it wouldn’t surprise me and probably wouldn’t surprise you if I had been writing journal entry after journal entry about Lilly’s struggles. If I talked about how Lilly has a tough time learning or that she is emotionally unstable. It would be acceptable if Lilly was depressed or upset, or cranky, or moody. If I explained in story after story that life is not good to Lilly, I don’t think anyone would question it.
When I write these stories or just sit around watching her, I can feel sad knowing that life has not been easy for her. At times, I wonder how she has accomplished everything she has. And sometimes, I really want her to tell me how she feels. She is still young and doesn’t always know how to say what is really going on in that little head. I want everything to be okay, but if she could just express it, it would make me feel better. And then one day, she did. Not at all what or when I would have expected it. We had gone for a night swim one evening last summer. And what is most amazing is, I just happened to be video taping her.
This video is dark, but don’t worry about trying to watch it. Turn up your audio and listen. It is very short. And very powerful.
Lilly balances on the edge of the pool. She is singing something to herself. She flips herself into the pool and then swims over to the edge nearest me. She pops out of the water and the first thing that comes from her is "Life is Good, Daddy!" Life is good because that is how Lori lived it and now I am lucky enough to see it all over again in her daughter, my daughter, our daughter. Life is Good.